New Update on my son Adam

Circles in the pictures are used to protect the identify of patients and staff of Sit Means Sit

March 12th, newest update

Above all, I thank the Lord for His care for us, and His tender new mercies each morning. Help us not to take Him for granted and to always be thankful in every circumstance.

Today we had a care meeting with Adam, the administrator and area supervisor and the Social worker along with his Ombudsman on the phone. We feel like God really was leading this whole meeting in the respect that I believe we were actually ‘heard’ this time. We addressed our many different concerns, and when they seem surprised, we also let them know that we had told staff on many occasions.

So to be fair to the facility, I will say that they didn’t over talk me (as was my experience in the past with one of the social workers) and they asked questions. They actually listened and inserted things as we went along and seemed genuinely concerned when they heard of things they said they were unaware of.

Bottom line is, I literally told them I felt they were standing their ground stubbornly (that is how it felt to me) and I was asking them, NO begging them (this is where I kind of broke down in tears a little) to please let Amber return, that she was crucial for his well being and that they were violating his civil rights. That Adam wanted her there and we want her there, and if we felt one little iota that she had done something mean to him, we’d be the first to remove her. We also asked them why they hadn’t questioned my daughter (who was there) and his roommate (they said the roommate couldn’t see, but I answered with the fact that he could testify to their normal interaction since Amber came in daily).

The area director (I am unsure of her title) said Amber could come back, and we discussed how the door is always open, and from now on, Amber will address her concerns with me and I will handle the reporting so she is not possibly disliked by someone who is working at the same time. For now, they have promised to handle these concerns, and gave me direct numbers to reach them at.

I just can’t thank you all enough for praying, I believe completely that the Lord gave me the right words and softened their hearts. I do pray they stay that way and that the facility will get better as we work together towards that.

In love to you all <3

 

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I was going to upload an older video of Amber singing with Adam, but my site wouldn’t allow the size even for the smallest one. Listening to it breaks my heart, because he has regressed since he’s been here. He certainly doesn’t speak as clearly as he used to. They don’t do any activities or speech therapy or physical therapy with Adam. Amber does. And my friend Toni Drugmand of Sit Means Sit, Phoenix, Az. She trains K-9 dogs and therapy dogs, and brings them in for Adam.

If you read my update before, you are aware the facility prohibited Amber from seeing Adam for play they said could be seen as abusive (spritzing him in the face with a hair mister). If you know Amber and Adam and their long history as best friends, you would know she never has any bad intents towards him. She doesn’t even get frustrated or angry. Never, not once has she complained about him, and trust me, we all have in our fatigue. But not Amber, she loves being there, loves seeing Adam and comes of her own accord, after a long day of work, each and every night, solely because she loves Adam and wants the best for him.

She cuts his hair, trims his nails, has him brush his teeth and face and makes sure he uses the facilities (they will just throw him in bed with a diaper on, even though they promised to make sure he was toileted, they have not done it on a regular basis unless we are there). She helps him by teaching him to clean and make the bed. And that done with product she has made with essential oils to keep some of the chemicals from him. She sings with him, laughs with him, draws with him and just talks with him into the night.  She puts his pillow splint on, does facials when his skin is irritated (he has allergy issues) and puts on light aromatherapy for him. She cleans up after the staff each and every time she enters the room. Food off the floor (on both sides), clothes, dirty sheets, whatever it is, she just does it. All for Adam’s good.

My daughter was with her this particular night that they tried to accuse Amber of doing something wrong. And we believe the reason they reported her is solely because Amber makes sure they do their job, and that don’t leave him in a position of filth or danger, or just things like a lack of water. These are all things we have walked in multiple times when they weren’t expecting someone to be there at night since Amber hasn’t been there. A few days ago we caught him in bed, in his room, in a soiled condition with only a shirt/gown on, with a food tray over him to eat with dirty hands ALONE with no supervision.  He is a choking hazard and never should be left like this…and the added insult to injury? Everyone else was listening to Piano. And yes, we reported it in writing, but not one response from any of the members I emailed. And as usual, the water out of his reach and untouched.

The reports were closed (that they filed) and ‘no crime here’ was quickly decided after they talked to us. The Ombudsman informed us and went to the facility and informed the social worker that they could not keep Amber from visiting Adam. That this was violating Adam’s civil rights, we (and Adam) have a right to decide who comes to see him. The Ombudsman said she told the Social worker that she needed to ‘educate’ the others in the facility of this fact.

So I asked the Ombudsman if Amber could go back last night and she said yes. And so when Amber got there, I told her if anyone didn’t know, to try to not be upset, to just ask them to talk to me instead. The nurse told her she had to leave (Amber was on the phone with me). I asked Amber to put the nurse on the phone, the nurse refused. I asked Amber to tell the nurse that I wanted to talk with her, and ask her again if would she talk with me? She refused. I had Amber repeat what I was saying, that the Ombudsman had come in that very day and all cases were closed and it was violating Adam’s civil rights to keep visitors of our choice from him. And that the social worker had been told. She still refused to speak to me. When the ombudsman came in, she said the admin was nowhere in the building so she informed the Social worker. So evidently the admin did not know. But they would not accept my word as his guardian either, so they kicked her out once more in front of Adam.

Please pray. Adam was upset and so is Amber very hurt.  And we are SO upset ourselves, not wanting to make this a legal matter with all we have going on, but they seem to almost want to push it this way (or want him out because he’s too much work for their ever changing, short staff). I wanted to give the facility every benefit of the doubt, and we’ve tried. We’ve all tried all along to work with the troubles, to try to solve some ourselves (like bringing in our own supplies, and making sure we were there as much as possible) yet they only seem to grow worse as staff quits. Please pray we also find the right facility and the retaliation that was hinted at (letting the other facilities know that Amber shouldn’t be allowed in) would not come to any fruition.

I thank you all for praying all along, and I trust the Lord and am thankful always for His provision for us. For His comfort. For even in the bad times that we are promised to have to endure in this dark world, He is still there with us, greater than the one who is in the world.

At the end of the day, whether we are leaving or not, we’d still like to see the facility left a better place for those who are left behind, and for those who may choose this facility for their loved ones. And if the staff stubbornly resists to allow the innocent back in because they are protecting themselves, we will try to do our part in informing the media at the very least, for the sake of those there and those who may come.

Thank you all, Holly, Jason and Adam (and of course, Amber).

14 Responses to “New Update on my son Adam

  • How dare they

    • Sunny, we’re kind of at a loss, but not defeated. We’re just hoping those who are in leadership see the truth and do something about it before people die. And they should care about the patient’s feelings too, which is really crucial to their progress.

  • This facility is violating Adam’s civil rights by barring his friend from coming in, and it’s obvious they are doing it to protect themselves. They are most likely violating the civil rights of other patients there, as well. The care is substandard, inhumane, and completely without excuse. A serious investigation needs to be done. Turn this facility upside down for the sake of all patients there. That nurse who refused to talk to you, Adam’s MOTHER, should be terminated. If it were me I’d report her to the State Board of Nursing. This stuff has to stop. Did the social worker even pass the information about Amber coming back to the staff?? That is her job! The only way to stop this is to expose them and shine light on their dirty little secrets.

    • Angela, you of all people as a nurse would know. My sister-in-law works for the Department of Licensing and told me they should be reported there also. Obviously the Social worker obviously didn’t tell them, or the nurse in question is the one that has a personal issue with Amber (but she also had a personal issue with the daytime friend that came in). So I think the issue in general is those that hold them to putting him on the toilet, or making sure he’s clean or safe or hydrated.

      I’m also considering Senators/Congressman, then the governor. Thanks for your support 🙂

  • Just read this last update,and will continue to pray.

  • Beyond outraged. I lived all this and more and I know the depression and discouragement that comes when one’s loved one is treated like this. Civil rights are being violated in every situation all around this case, and much more than only Amber’s, if that were not enough. They don’t want her inside because she knows. They don’t want to hear from you as you and yours are able to point out the endless list of infractions. Neglect and abuse are legally punishable. Continue to document and take pictures. Further action will be helped by that.

    • Thank you Celeste, fortunately we have documented a lot for quite some time. Amber was the one to report a lot, and so she has taken the brunt of this. Appreciate your advice, and sorry for what you have been through 🙁

  • Mrs W McKissick
    12 months ago

    WOW!! Just WOW!!! Im sorry this is happening …please make the contacts, whoever you decide, or take advantage of your friends who can help making phone calls, prepare a statement for them to take to whoever and whereever. Thank you for sharing with us who can pray. I can’t imagine how difficult this has been on every person involved. Its hard to not get angry realizing all this is going on. I think, sadly from my experience, this happens more often than not, in many many nursing homes. Many peoples families don’t realize the utter importance of being w/family who are in the hospital or in these homes where “other people” who don’t care a whit about your family member. Its a big deal Holly, go quickly dear friend!! Tell EVERYONE!!! Shout it from the mountaintops!!! Let them try to defend themselves….perhaps theres an agency or even law firm that could help….there have to be resources that are available. Im glad to read ur friend Angela is a nurse and knows. ….praying for adam and all of you…..love you

    • Thank you Mrs. McKissick:

      It’s been traumatizing for us too, once more, it feels like they have the power and will wield it to their advantage unfairly. We are looking at other places as we speak. They’ve already shown they can retaliate (or at least that is what we believe they have done with Amber), and we don’t want it taken out on Adam. They already asked my daughter at lunch yesterday if someone was coming it at night. Very stressful and hurtful for us all. Love you too.

  • Kimberrly Yahn
    12 months ago

    Grateful and PRAISING the Lord….so so glad Adam gets to see his BESTEST friend….AMBER…his sweet adoring caring advocate! I will continue to pray that the Lord intervenes in this facility and that they will SHAPE UP … not only with Adam, but with all the residents due to your valid complaints! These poor people need the Lord’s guiding rod n staff for ALL the staff that work there…and may it be done according to His perfect Will! Love you all and thank you for the update my friend! <3 🙂

    • You would know Kimberrly, as one who has been to Adams many times. I know none of these places are perfect but we knew this wasn’t right to ban her, and in addition we knew that there were many things we had addressed that staff had ignored. Now the administration seemed unaware of these concerns, so I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ll address it, but I hope they explore further for everyone’s sake.

  • Wendy McKissick
    12 months ago

    PRAISE THE LORD!!! So thankful to hear these good things and how He helped not just you but the situation! Continuing to pray as well that things will continue in the direction that was “started” in your conversation and that like Kimberlly said all the other residents that have experienced wrong treatment would find a better situation for them as well!

    • Thank you Wendy, I pray for the same. And for the moment it seems as if they are considering all we said, and praying for continued direction from the Lord.

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