Are you wounded by the one(s) who claim to love you?
First, please know this is not aimed at all with a few of my friends who have shared with me the physical hurt their husbands have put them through (this is not addressing that kind of hurt, nor suggesting anyone submit to physical abuse ever).
Please know this is only to find a way to try to deal Biblically with any who have hurt us, whether family, spouses, friends, loved ones, people at work, other Christians, or even strangers. This is just a short beginning of the many ways God’s Word can begin to bind up our wounds.
For the other women whose husbands are not loving them, I pray for you, I weep with you, I really do. Maybe they just told you they didn’t love you any more, maybe you have been abandoned by them either physically or emotionally. I am so sorry, I have been there in my life, and I pray for your comfort — the Lord knows and cares about your wounded hearts. He loves the unloved. Maybe you cannot talk to that person, for fear of how they lash out in anger when you bring things up they don’t want to hear. Whether your mother, your father, your sister, brother, spouse, friend, whomever — it hurts. For others it may be just as simple (but as painful I believe) as them loving everything before you — it could be playing sports, or watching them on television (or both), their friends, or things like hunting, fishing, trips (without you), possessions, or a number of things sadly. I realize women may also put things in front of men, but right now, I’m not really speaking to the hurt men although I feel for you also. I am focusing on the wounded and lonely women for this article. Whatever it may be that they put in front of you (and it may be almost everything in their life), try to think on Leah in Genesis 29, she was unloved and suffered in that. The Lord knows you are unloved, and He cares. He cared for Leah in her pain of being unloved, and He’ll care for you too, storing every one of our tears for now (Ps 56:8) and one day He will wipe away our tears (Is 25:8).
Sometimes when we’re hurting, we need to be reminded to not respond based on how that person is treating us, but instead, react as He would have us respond. It’s hard I know, but it’s the better way in the long run for us, and for them and for any watching what happens. This does not mean you will not hurt, or that their words or actions will not wound you, but cry out to Him, lean on Him. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, He is close to those who are humble(d). Please again realize I am not suggesting people submit to abuse.
Here are some Words of the Lord for us to remember some things believers are to do. I sometimes outline them to help me ‘see’ what I might need to learn.
Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved,
- tender mercies
- bearing with one another
- and forgiving one another
- if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.
- But above all these things PUT ON love, which is the bond of perfection.
- And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body;
- and be thankful.
- Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
- And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
Colossians 3:12-17 (KJV)
Lord, that is a lot to remember, maybe even harder to ‘do’ when we are drowning in sorrow, pain, resentment or anger. Help us Lord. I know your Spirit will bring Your Word to our remembrance if we are dwelling in it, and humbling ourselves under Your mighty hand (1 Pet 5). We cannot be responsible for those who choose other things in front of us, or more importantly in front of you; spending time in Your Word, abiding in You. Which in turn keeps them from loving us in the right way, but we cannot let their example keep us from Your Word. Help us get fed so we can encourage them, pray for them, and speak the truth to them in love so hopefully they will hear and respond. I know many women are tired, downcast, disappointed, depressed and more, because their husbands live for the world. They are not often in fellowship with the Lord and getting them to pray with you, spend time in the Word with you, or even get in the Word at all is near impossible. What can we do? We want them to be the leader, and they are not. We know there is only two choices, give up or fight. We wish they would, but the best we can do is fight this battle spiritually. Look for answers in His Word that applies to your particular situation.
We should want to have the right motives in showing kindness to them — how much easier if we just do it unto the Lord, keeping our eyes fixed on Him? I surely know, my grumpiness, lack of mercy towards other, unkind words, or pride is all going to be burnt up. What will there be left to throw at His feet? Am we letting His peace rule in us? Better yet, I’ll apply this to myself; am I meek, patient, forgiving in quarrels? The answer is there in the passage in Colossians 3.
Forgive, do it, He did…
And again, Put on…
Let the Peace of God rule in your hearts…
Let the Word of Christ dwell in you and flow from out of your heart towards others, towards Him…
Whatever you do, do it as unto Him…
Believers are told to esteem others better than ourselves. That does not mean you have to let others walk all over you instead of letting them know they are sinning against you. We are to tell someone, our brother, our sister, our mother, etc., if they have sinned against us. We need to Hide His Word in our hearts — we’ll do better when others are hurting us or sinning against us. We will be more fully equipped to answer them in truth with love for them. (Phil 2:3; Ps 119:9-11, 105; Eph 4:14-16; 2 Tim 3:16,17)
Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Phil 2:1-4
I pray for the men who are unkind to their wives, who embarrass them in front of others — who might say they love them with their words, but in deed think nothing of yelling at them or belittling them in the presence of others. Oh how that hurts if you are the recipient, but it hurts also for those who see this happen to one they love in Christ. Or what about the apathetic ones who think they love their wives, but in truth, they don’t even hear the end of her sentence because they’re already thinking about a TV show that’s getting ready to start, or a friend texts them, or maybe they have to get their football picks, or watch a golf game, or go to their man cave.
All I can say to all of you sisters in Christ, is that I am so sorry. The Lord does not appreciate you being treated this way. These days are hard for men and women alike and unfortunately, many men are not in the ‘strong meat’ of God’s Word (if they are in the Word at all) and so they aren’t going to be the head of the house that the Lord wants them to be. And worse, many may love the world more than the Lord, and in that, they don’t really know how to love you. Pray for them, love them anyways because in the end they will suffer loss, which if we love them, we don’t want to see. In the meantime, let Him comfort you in your grief. He loves us, and He is King of the Universe, I think we tend to forget how great that is, and how great His love was for us to give His life for us.
For those women who might wonder why I didn’t address what the man should do, or the one particular woman who has been waiting for me to write it 🙂 Just know that for months I have been working on something regarding men who are not doing even a portion of what they should do as leaders in the home, or worse, those who are abusive mentally, emotionally or physically. We’ve seen it on FB, and we’ve seen it in real life, and it has torn me in two watching some of it and experiencing it too. It breaks my heart. I just cannot write it right now, because the Bible tells me, Be Angry, sin not. How do I not let the sun go down on my anger, when these people will not ‘hear’? Lord help them. I just do not know if I can write about these puffed up verbal and mental abusers with the right heart or attitude right now, so it will either have to wait or not happen at all. God bless you all to pray without ceasing and continue to try to do all things as onto Him.
Lastly my dear sisters, to all of you. I know we can be taken for granted by the ones we love. Maybe just not appreciated. Somehow, may we not take them for granted, and may we appreciate them in return. For Him. As a sister Barbara on FB reminded me tonight with her post, be content with what you have, knowing Who is there with us and for us. <3 Love in Him.
Let your conversation be without covetousness;
and be content with such things as ye have:
for he hath said,
I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Hebrews 13:5 KJV
Lord, I ask You to wipe away the tears of the one who cries silently and her husband does not see, or maybe does not care. Or the caregiver, who is there for the one who is sick, and weeps silently in private as to not discourage them. Or maybe the one they are caring for is unkind to them, selfish or self-centered. There are some who are contending for the faith, who are ostracized by many, villified, or beat up mentally and spiritually, and they become discouraged. Comfort them through Your Word (Romans 15:4). We know You love the unloved and the unlovely, even if they do not. Help us to take solace in that. <3